Here goes nothing...

I've never really done this before. It kind of freaks me out a little bit. Having my life broadcasted over the internet. But I guess if I don't advertise this link anywhere, no one is going to see it. I figured I needed to do something though. I'm so stressed out I feel like I'm going to burst. I need an outlet to vent on and I figured maybe I'd give this a try. After many failed attempts at journaling, this may be the answer? Who knows.

My thoughts are basically ALL over the place. I am so stressed out and I just have no idea what I can do to start feeling better. My main stressor is money right now. I don't have any. My tutoring job fell through and that was going to be a source like 200 dollars a month. Now, I only have my restaurant job which is great. But I need another one. I'd like to make around 500 dollars a month. I think I may apply somewhere else, like Starbucks or something. Even if I can atleast get hired for holiday help. Or if I have to drive far away. As long as I can generate a little more income.

This whole apartment mess back in WI is just making me sick to my stomach. I need to get my keys back and I do not understand why she is not answering ANY of my attempts at contacting her. It's really driving me crazy and making me go insane. I just can't keep asking my parents to pay for my idiotic mistakes that I make. I just feel so irresponsible. I think that may be what is the driving force behind all this. I am a perfectionist and the fact that I made bad decisions and mistakes with this whole apartment is just plaguing me. I wish I was perfect. I should be perfect. I should never mess up. I'm just so upset.

On a happier note though, I've found some great friends recently. Lauren and Chelsea are just two of the most genuine, nicest girls I've ever met. We all clicked and have a blast together--even if it's just in class. I'm glad I transferred to AU and wandered in to that spanish class. What a blessing in disguise. I've also revisted an old friendship that wasn't that strong from high school. And what a wonderful gift it's been. Lindsey have just been such a lifesaver and source of strength for me recently. It's funny, but I can absolutely call her one of my best friends. I just love our conversations and honesty and ability to talk about WHATEVER comes to my mind. It's amazing. She's recently shared her faith with me and I am happy for that. Finding my faith is something I'm struggling with and it's nice to have someone in my life who is secure in hers. I look forward to attending Church with her again.

I guess I should probably go finish up the rest of my homework and try to sleep. I feel like I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I'll just pull out the Gospel Principles book I have been reading. I like reading that before bed. It calms me. I actually fell asleep praying last night. It was such a cool feeling, I haven't sat down and prayed for the longest time.

Oh what a journey I'm on...