Lost.

I really just don't even know where to start. The title of this blog says it all...for every aspect of my life. I'm so incredibly lost. Lost because I don't know what religion answers my questions, lost because i'm a failure when it comes to relationships, lost because i don't even really know who i am. It's such a really frustrating and confusing time of my life right now. It's uncomfortable and I'm scrambling for control of the situation. Here's a good analogy: I feel like I'm drowning. And every time I have a chance to get a breath of air...I just go right back down under & struggle.

Today at church with Linds and Cory, one of the speakers said a quote that really impacted my life. This quote was..."Knowing who you are changes what you do." What perfect timing for me to hear this. I look at people who are so confident in the person that they are and they make their decisions based on what THEY feel....not what other's tell them. Then I looked inwards towards myself and once again, I have no idea who I am. Sure, I'm Rachel, short, dark hair, ex-gymnast, etc. But none of those things have the ability to help me do things and make decisions that I am comfortable with. I can't really base anything off the characteristics about myself because I don't really know them. Or I can't see them rather. And this just results in making irrational decisions or doing things that I wouldn't normally do. This probably makes no sense but it just really struck me today when I heard it. It was kind of funny, Linds and I both reached for something to write with and wrote it on the back of one of the hymn handouts.

I guess completely changing the subject...I've found a cause that I really can identify with. It's a campaign that really tries to diffuse cultural pressure to be thin. It mainly involves Eating Disorders. It's called the "True Campaign." The first big heading on the website says "Challenge the Culture. End the Crisis." As soon as I read that, I knew that I was hooked. The way that the website explains their mission is: "The True Campaign exists to end the crisis of poor self image by challenging cultural ideals about identity and beauty, so we can be free to impact our world as God intended."
How powerful...right? You can go to http://www.truecampaign.org

I have so much more that I need to get out but I am not able to right now. It's been such an overwhelming, emotional last couple of weeks and I'm just not ready yet.